Finding Herself
by Auna
Summary: Futurefic series #1: A young woman tries to break out of the mold her father has set for her, unknowingly walking into danger


Standard disclaimer: Brennik is mine. All the others are not.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Author: Auna  
  
Finding Herself  
  
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Brennik stood in the doorway of the stone cottage looking out at the frail old man in the yard. The stars he stared at were bright, illuminating the fields they had labored in every day that she could remember. She hated what she was about to do. This was going to break his heart, but to keep her own heart from breaking she would have to follow through with this plan.  
  
Although his mouth was hidden beneath a grey bushy beard she could tell he was talking to himself again. "Crazy Steve" and his poor sheltered daughter were food for the regional gossips. He had definitely kept her sheltered. She had to fight to attend school in the nearest village several metras away.  
  
He had insisted he could teach her anything she needed to know. She smiled at that thought, remembering her calculus, trig and theoretical physics classes she had taken. Crazy Steve Macduff could read and write, but she knew her simple father wouldn't have been able to help her in her higher learning. Besides, it was more than just taking classes.  
  
She couldn't make him understand that she wanted.needed. to see and do more than farm. It was the same argument for years. He wanted to keep her hidden with here with him. She wanted to taste life, to explore, to visit those stars he stared at every night.  
  
He could never understand. He'd spent his entire life working these same fields, never traveling and always content with the monotony of routine. He had no thirst to travel- of wanderlust.  
  
"Well don't just stand there staring at me child. If you have something to say, come over here and talk it over with me."  
  
Taking a fortifying breath she stepped closer until she was beside him. "Leelan is coming tomorrow to assist you in the fields."  
  
His gaze was direct and she found herself looking to the stars to avoid contact. He may be an old man, but his eyes were young and echoed every feeling clearly. "And where will you be?"  
  
"I'm going to Shabaal to look for work. There is a training program there for pilots that I want to apply for."  
  
As she watched from the corner of her eye she saw him nod and return his gaze to the heavens. "Very well."  
  
She was floored. That had been too easy. Surely there was a catch somewhere. "That's it?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You're not going to stop me?"  
  
One corner of his beard tilted upwards in what must have been a half smile. "I can't see that I can stop you. You became of age a monen ago. Quite frankly, I'm surprised you've stuck around this long."  
  
"Oh, daddy!" She threw her arms around his shoulders crying into his giant tunic tears of joy and sadness. "I know you can't understand that I can't be like you. But thank you for letting me go. I feel like I'm wasting away, like.there's a whole other me waiting to be discovered and I can't find it here."  
  
He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly to his chest. She didn't see the single tear escape from those eyes she found so expressive. "Just be careful how and where you look, sweetheart. Sometimes the answers aren't what we might want."  
  
"I'll be careful." She promised, then turned and ran to finish packing. She didn't see his gaze following her long after she disappeared inside.  
  
********  
  
"Isn't it a delicious irony," a voice said over his shoulder, "that the more she fights against you, the more she becomes you?"  
  
"Shut up" he said absently.  
  
"I tried to tell you it wouldn't work, but if advice comes from me you automatically dismiss it out of hand. Now, instead of living a quiet secluded life, she is unprepared in any way for what she is running to."  
  
"I had to try."  
  
"It seems you have failed."  
  
"Just add it to the already long list."  
  
"So what will you do now? You can't keep her ignorant forever. She will be found."  
  
He sighed from the depths of his soul and returned his gaze to his favorite star. "Call in reinforcements."  
  
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Euphoria. It was the only way to describe the monumental feelings crowding her as she walked the corridors to her room. Flight school had been the right decision. Four monens into the courses and she was well advanced beyond her peers. Especially with the bio-mechanoid technology. She couldn't explain it, but when she sat in the pilot seat she felt she had come home.  
  
After the most basic instructions she was completing difficult maneuvers, knowing split microts before adjustments needed to be made. She could feel the ship alive beneath her and when she flew she felt as if she was a part of the machinery.  
  
Then, today, her instructor pulled her aside to inform her she was being recommended for Elite Training. With those credentials, she would be able to get a job with one of the bigger cargo ships. She thought of her father and his habit of staring at the stars nightly. He may be content to watch, but she... she was going to fly through them.  
  
The thought of her father broadened her smile. She pictured him perfectly with his long scraggly grey hair and beard that concealed nearly his entire face, with the exception of his eyes. The thought of his long baggy tunic that covered his frail body and she wondered that he could continue to work the fields each day.  
  
"Brennik Macduff." A harsh voice broke into her musings.  
  
"Cadet Macduff." She answered her comms.  
  
"Report to the headmasters office at once."  
  
"Reporting." Excitedly she turned and retraced her steps. This was it. Her instructor hadn't wasted any time, she mused.  
*************  
The office was opulent. Ornate hangings adorned each wall. A large desk dominated one corner of the room and various pieces of furniture were strategically placed for informal conferences. Brennik was beckoned to a chair across from the headmaster. No one else was present.  
  
"Cadet Macduff," greeted the large Sebacean man. "Welcome."  
  
"Thank you, this is quite an honor."  
  
"The honor is mine. I've been told great things about you."  
  
"I am learning yet."  
  
"And modest too. So refreshing in the youth of these days. As you know, your instructor recommended you for Elite Training. Before I will approve the transfer, I interview each prospective student."  
  
"I understand."  
  
"Why don't you start by telling me why you decided to attend flight school?"  
  
"I was raised on an isolated farm. My father oversaw everything I did. It was partly to free myself. But it was more than that. Something inside me called out to fly. It's difficult to explain."  
  
"Tell me about your father."  
  
It was an odd question, but she answered truthfully. "There's not a lotto tell, really. He's a simple, frail, old farmer. He can barely read or write and he breaks his back everyday laboring under a hot sun. And he's perfectly content to stay that way."  
  
"What about your mother."  
  
"She died in childbirth."  
  
"I understand you've studied the higher sciences."  
  
"Yes, some. I am continuing my studies."  
  
"What do you know of wormholes?"  
  
She raised one eyebrow in confusion. This was an odd interview. "Nothing other than they're theoretically impossible."  
  
"What would you do with your credentials should you obtain them?"  
  
This was more like it. "I was hoping to become a test pilot for one of the larger cargo companies, and possibly help design new ships."  
  
"High ambitions, that's good. I believe tomorrow you can report to your new class."  
  
"Thank you sir." She no idea how she managed to maintain her dignity as she exited the room, but the instant the door closed behind her she began a victory dance that lasted until she reached her room. Tonight she would join her new friends in the cadet lounge. It was a night for celebration.  
  
***************  
  
A tall green man with two noses appeared from behind one of the hangings.  
  
"Was she telling the truth?" Asked the headmaster.  
  
"As she knows it to be. But she was probably fostered out."  
  
"Are you sure it is her?"  
  
"Her entry medical exam shows her to be half Sebacean, half a species as yet unidentified. It is her. I would stake my life on it."  
  
"You already have. Keep an eye on her. Don't let her leave, but don't let her know anything has changed."  
  
"Perhaps a more secure facility..."  
  
"She will be more profitable if she is educated and able to help her masters. Do you feel she will cooperate as a prisoner or as a student? The auction is scheduled for four weekens from tomorrow. If you cannot maintain security for that long, then you are not the one for the job."  
  
The green man nodded and silently disappeared behind the hanging once more.  
  
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Brennik sat comfortably in her chair, slightly hazy from felip nectar listening rapturously to Mikel The Storyteller (as he was known among his friends) weaving his magic. Tonight they were blessed with a "Crichton Tale". They were her favorite and she'd heard all of them several times since she'd arrived at the school. There was the one about how he'd blown up a command carrier and a Scarren Dreadnaught, not to mention a Shadow Depository and a secret Gammak Base. The tales were endless. And she had noticed some of the chronology had to be off. If he had really done everything they claimed, he'd have had to be in two separate places at the same time for some of his adventures.  
  
But she enjoyed them for the epic fables that they were and tonight was a new one. Tonight they were told about the timeless love between John Crichton and his mate Aeryn Sun. She nearly cried at the telling of Aeryn's capture and his desperate struggle to rescue her. Her heart soared with joy at their reunion, their marriage and the birth of their child.  
  
"But, it was all for naught," recounted the young man, "when Aeryn and their offspring were killed in a transport accident. John Crichton finally slipped completely into insanity. His friends aboard their leviathan Moya were forced into hiding so they could care for him. None of them have been seen for the last twenty cycles."  
  
Tears were freely flowing and she wiped them away in embarrassment.   
  
"That's not true," countered a young blond cadet. "I heard he has resurfaced in the Tolar system not one monen ago."  
  
Mikel raised one eyebrow. "Oh, really? And how reliable is your information?"  
  
"Are you calling me a liar?"  
  
As the argument grew, Brennik chose that moment to escape, needing time to herself. The recounting had touched her and she wanted to sit in silence and enjoy the warmth that had spread through her. Silently she slipped unnoticed from the lounge.  
  
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She lay wrapped in the warm cocoon of her blanket, blissful in that state halfway between sleep and consciousness.  
  
thump  
  
"Great going. Next time, just sound the alarm."  
  
"Give me a break D. It's been a while. I'm a little rusty." She knew that voice. Where?  
  
"Are you sure this is this right room?"  
  
"If you want to be helpful, Pip, find the light and turn it on."  
  
Wait. She wasn't sleeping. "Dad?" She asked the darkness. "What are you doing here? How did you even get in here?"  
  
The light chose that moment to activate and she found herself surrounded by three strangers. A tall Sebecaen male was flanked by a large Luxan and an exotic grey woman. They were all staring at her.  
  
She wanted to scream. She wanted to cower under her blankets. She did neither. Instead she found herself staring into the blue eyes of the Sebecaen. Those eyes.  
  
"Don't be afraid Brennik. We're not here to hurt you. We're here to help."  
  
"Aeryn?" The grey woman almost seemed in a trance as she stared unashamedly at Brennik.  
  
"John," the Luxan said, "she is identical." The wonder in his voice touched her heart.  
  
"I tried to warn you. But nothing can quite prepare you for the experience."  
  
Those eyes. She knew this man, this stranger who was her father. He stood tall and strong in leather pants and a black T-shirt that accentuated his well toned muscles. His silver-grey hair was cut short, though left uncombed. He was hard and strong and used to sacrifice. And he was her father. She tried to merge the image she knew to the image before her and it wouldn't work. But those young blue eyes smiled gently at her, those windows to his soul.  
  
He knelt in front of her and gently placed a calloused hand to her cheek. "You're in danger Bren. We need to leave. Now."  
  
"Dad?"  
  
"We'll talk later, but right now we need to get you out of here."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on."  
  
"I can't make up my mind," stated the grey woman in exasperation. "Is she more like her mother, or you?"  
  
"Pip, shut up. Bren, in your interview today did they ask you questions about wormholes?"  
  
How did he know about that? "Uh, yeah. They mentioned them. Why?"  
  
He sighed. "They found out you're my daughter."  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"Steven Macduff, Fred Scarren, Abbott, Butch, and occasionally John Crichton. Most importantly, your father. Which makes you a very valuable commodity. Which really sucks for you, but get used to it. You are slated for auction soon. Now, security may be pathetic around here, but eventually they will discover we are here. If you want to live, follow me. Trust me. But, you are an adult now and the decision is yours."  
  
"Are you fahrbot John? Grab her and let's go!" The grey woman was getting impatient.  
  
He was insane. She should scream and call for the guards. But those eyes... "What do I need to do?"  
  
He expelled a lungful of air in relief. "D'Argo will help you."  
  
After hastily throwing on a pair of boots she found herself being hoisted through a hole they had cut in her ceiling. She was lifted by her father into an air duct. After the D'Argo and the woman joined them, together they crawled silently through the small tunnels.  
  
She had lost all bearings and sense of direction by the time they reached a ladder that led them through a vent onto the roof.  
  
The Luxan spoke a sharp command and a ship appeared. They all boarded and soon, they were bound for space.  
  
"That has got to be the easiest it has ever gone down."  
  
"Of course, I came up with the plan." The Luxan growled.  
  
"Oh, please. My plans work."  
  
"Name one."  
  
Chiana rolled her eyes in mock exasperation as the banter continued on.  
  
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Brennik stood in the entryway of the cell, letting the feel of Moya thrum through her veins as she watched the old man shine his shoes. What she had to say would break his heart, but to not say it would break hers.  
  
"Well, don't just stand there staring at me Brennik. If you have something to say, come in and discuss it." His voice was gentle, a fathers caress, and it gave her the courage to enter.  
  
"Are the stories true?"  
  
"Based on fact, but glorified and exagerated. And I never popped any eyeballs, that was frou Bleuchers thing."  
  
Barely hearing him she abruptly attacked the real issue. "Why Father? Why did you lie to me? My entire life is a sham. I don't know who I am anymore. Yesterday I was Brennik Macduff, talented and promising new pilot and today I'm... I don't know. I don't know fact from fiction. Why would you do that to me?"  
  
He paused and met her eyes directly. "Because I love you as much as I love her. Because I foolishly hoped that by raising you in an obscure place I could keep you safe and you could lead a quiet happy life. Because I was selfish and wanted you for myself. Because I am only half alive without her." There was a long strained silence before he continued. "Can you forgive me?"  
  
Now it was her turn to pause. "I don't know. I'll try."  
  
He nodded. "Fair enough."  
  
"What was she like?" In all her twenty cycles had talked of her mother only once, when he'd told her she'd died in childbirth.  
  
His smile grew soft, his eyes wistful and she thought perhaps he wasn't still in the same room as her, but lost in some memory. "If you ever want to know what your mother looked like, just check in the mirror. You are an exact replica."  
  
"Does it hurt you to see me?"  
  
"Oh, Bren, no. To look at you is a joy."   
  
She sat next to him on the edge of the bed. He dropped his gear on the floor at their feet and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She felt like a little girl again, safe in the arms of her father.  
  
"Did she die in labor?"  
  
"No, she died in a prowler accident."  
  
She absorbed that for a moment and decided to return to it later. "How did you two meet?"  
  
He chuckled softly remembering. Together they leaned back against the wall and she let her father's voice drift over her and Moya's systems sooth her. "You're really gonna get a kick out of this one..."  
  
-End 


End file.
